The Advice shared by My Dad Which Rescued Us during my time as a First-Time Dad

"In my view I was simply just surviving for a year."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the demands of being a father.

But the actual experience soon turned out to be "very different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health issues surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her main carer as well as caring for their infant son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every change… every stroll. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he burnt out. That was when a chat with his parent, on a public seat, that made him realise he required support.

The direct words "You're not in a good spot. You must get support. In what way can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His story is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While people is now more accustomed to talking about the stress on mothers and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges new fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are part of a broader failure to talk amongst men, who still hold onto harmful perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and stays upright time and again."

"It is not a show of failure to request help. I didn't do that fast enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to accept they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the chance to take a break - spending a few days away, separate from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he had to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has changed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotional life and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked stable male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says repressing feelings resulted in him make "terrible actions" when younger to change how he felt, finding solace in substance use as an escape from the hurt.

"You find your way to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - when you are swamped, speak to a friend, your other half or a counsellor what you're going through. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the pursuits that allowed you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be going for a run, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, staying active and if you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is doing.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their stories, the messy ones, and also the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - prioritising your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead give the stability and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they confronted their pain, changed how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their children.

"I'm better… sitting with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, on occasion I believe my purpose is to teach and advise you how to behave, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."